They worked because they had to keep food on the table.They were strong because there were not men in their lives to bolster them.And at the risk of being a downer, it’s not something I ever felt comfortable admitting. My kids were going to be marked by my melanin whether I married a Swede, a Puerto Rican, or a Pakistani.
When you think of the smiling soccer mom who will homeschool your kids or bolster the women’s ministry at your local church, you think of the row after row of white options, not the little ethnic shelf in the corner that you have to be looking for to spot.
Somewhat connected to that point, there’s a reason people don’t think of melanin when they think of the soccer mom: one of the stereotypes that so many imbibe is the fact that single black women are inherently attitudinal and un-submissive.
More often than not, though, when it comes to interracial marriage for majority culture, similarity rules the day.
I have had a courtship turned on its head and wondered if my brownness had anything to do with it.
I was that friend as a single — the brown-skinned girl who stuck out like a sore thumb in a sea of white, Reformed faces. Now, married to the husband I used to pray for, I still feel very deeply the effects of those thought processes and environments I faced as a single woman of color in the church.
I got used to answering questions about my hair (“Can I touch it? I still find myself looking back and wishing that my white friends knew — or at least admitted — some of the unique struggles that I had to face and that I still watch so many of my sisters in Christ face every day.We’ve all seen the movies with the white protagonist who has a gaggle of sidekicks.One of them is usually the tell-it-like-it-is black chick.And yet their brand of strength is consistently overlooked for the stereotype of the docile woman.Black women are not the only people who find themselves living as minorities in white Reformed spaces.and a black woman won’t go for that.” It is natural for us to gravitate towards people with similar ethnic and cultural backgrounds to our own.