Wifey bought him tickets for tonight as a birthday gift. Kathy is sitting in a golf chair next to David and Mike—the two lovable feuding brothers you met earlier in this article. “The first man I ever thought I would marry,” she says, “the first man I ever loved besides my own father—was Slash.”“I feel bad for Axl. I just think the guy has a really complicated mind.
(She declines, which is best for all parties involved.) Then he pees in front of everyone.“Oh my God,” she screams. Before I move on to another part of the lot, she hands me her real estate business card. Everyone I’ve met has offered me free beer, even when I already have a beer in my hand. I was already hungover when I got here today, which was not optimal, but the combination of Natty Light and “Civil War” blasting from car stereos is reviving me.
I am slowly, steadily regaining my ability to ROCK. There are armored cars and policemen mounted on horses I stroll through a shady part of the lot and find nothing but suburbanites and visors.
There has never been much romanticizing of Axl’s temperament, or his inability to handle a level of fame that took him and his bandmates from zero to Wembley Stadium in no time at all.
You and I have long been aware of how frighteningly unpredictable he can be.
I gotta walk all the way back, as far back as the camper lot was, to find more people who aren’t treating this like an ’80s-themed frat party.
I find one guy who, according to his wife, has done time.Tim flashes me a beefy arm that he had tattooed with the cover art. “I said, ‘All right, I have a huge announcement to make: I just got tickets to Guns N' Roses! ’ ”Teddy is rocking a bandanna on the back of his jeans, just like Slash does.It took seven months to get both LPs inked—both on one arm. Right now, Tim and his boss arm are presiding over a pile of raw burgers laid out on a folding table under a roll-out awning. Before coming tonight, he Googled the instructions for doing it properly. “I started typing SLASH BANDANNA into it, and it said HOW TO before I could even finish the question.”If I had a bandanna on me tonight, I totally would have Googled the instructions, too. This parking lot is a festival of Axl and Slash cosplay.Even Axl’s face—stretched and mutilated over the years by age and scalpels—is unreliable.The Axl you remember—wolfish, beady-eyed, strangely delicate—is gone for good.No, this tour is the minorest of minor miracles because of Axl Rose and Axl Rose alone.