We are taught to measure a man’s value by the number of sex partners he’s had; the more women he’s seduced, the greater the value.Wilt Chamberlin may have been a great basketball player, but he’s for his supposed number of conquests. Sure, he may have created one of the most iconic rock bands in history and written songs that continue to resonate with each generation of listeners… For them, sex is commodified as an equivalent to purity: the less sex she has had, the higher her value.A flawed article in an issue of Newsweek sent women into paroxysms of fear of spinsterhood when it claimed that women who weren’t married by 40 would be married and had better odds of being killed by terrorists.
You are no wiser, more mature or otherwise changed from who you were minutes beforehand; the only difference is that you now have a set of memories that you didn’t have before and the need to shower and change the sheets.
Having had sex doesn’t validate you as a person, nor does it somehow confirm that you have worth or that you’ve been devalued by the experience.
Some may become bitter and resentful, feeling as though they’re being cheated of something that they’re rightfully “owed”.
Others will have their pre-existing approach anxiety ramped up to near pathological levels, leaving them with anxiety attacks and a crippling shyness around people they’re attracted to.
A virgin, therefore, is the ultimate expression of virtue and goodness (and thus priceless) and any woman who has an excessive number of sex partners (for a suitably subjective value of “excessive”) is degraded.
(Which admittedly brings up the question of just who these studs are supposed to be racking up all these lays with, but that’s a matter for another time.) Even in this day and age when women are closer to social and sexual equity than they have ever been before, the double-standard still exists; the ultimate insults to label a woman are “slut” and “prude”.
There is no difference between a person who has had sex and someone who hasn’t.
Even a woman’s hymen is no demarcator of virginity; many will rupture their hymen long before they’ve had penetrative vaginal intercourse.
For some, it’s a quest to lose our virginity the night of The Big School Event (Homecoming, Prom, Spring Formal, what-have-you) because it’s part of the modern high-school mythology that we’ve made up.
For others it’s trying to beat a particular date – our 18th or 21st birthdays, high-school or college graduation, before summer’s over, before getting married.
Here’s the hard and fast truth about virgins and virginity: it’s a completely cultural construct.