The places where they happen to meet are just background.
Another thinks, “I am strong.” Or “I am reliable,”—or kind, or thoughtful, or knowledgeable, or caring, or resourceful, or gracious, or any one or two of a number of different ways of being.
So, naturally, during these times when two people are talking to each other about everything, but especially about themselves, they are trying to paint that picture.
After the third or fourth date, there is the opportunity to meet each other’s friends and enter into each other’s life; but it is important to make a good start. Neuman's blog at fredricneumanmd.com/blog/ or at fredricneumanmd.com/blog/ask-dr-neuman-advice-column/"What both men and women try to do during these first meetings is to convey something of themselves.
They want the other person to see that idealized version of themselves that they themselves see." That actually seems to explain quite a lot of the difficulty I have in cultivating a relationship.
That interest is more important than explaining oneself.
But it is an interest that comes naturally and does not have to be feigned.
However, since it is still conventional in this early stage of a relationship for the man to pay for doing whatever they decide on, the woman has to consider expense when she makes a particular suggestion. They want the other person to see that idealized version of themselves that they themselves see.
Everyone has a picture of himself or herself that is appealing in one way or another: “I am sensitive,” one person may feel.
There are not a whole lot of things that people can do on a first date.