The same study showed that women who had conflicted sexual self-concepts and drank alcohol before sex (in their real lives) were more likely to believe that they had been coerced after a hypothetical consensual sexual encounter than those who drank before sex but had congruent sexual self-concepts. Ambivalence and Sexual Mixed Signaling: Women's Self-Belief Discrepancies and Reversals of Decisions to Participate in Sexual Behavior. I recently had an intense sensual/sexual encounter with a man. He told me about himself and how he and his ex-girlfriend had engaged in group sex with other couples. A few days pass and he tells me he is so perplexed by our intense unplanned liaison that he simply cannot understand it because it's never happened to him before. I really just wanted to say, "have you never heard of the 'one night stand.'" But I did not want to be trite.
In my practice I work with individuals on identifying and managing the contradictory values they have about sex that interfere with healthy relationship decisions. Apparently, while he may engage in non-conventional group sex, it is always carefully planned. How can a person with such a liberal and unconventional sex life question the attraction and combustion of this sudden lust?
See Than a Lust Thing Intense sexual chemistry is often way more than a lust thing with an ideal physical type. I really don’t understand why do you think that strong chemistry is not the most important part.
Replaying the memory in high-def feeds and embellishes it.
That peak experience needs to be relegated to distant storage so you can focus on discovering unique sexual pleasures within your full-featured relationship without unfair comparators. You read more into a pure lust thing than is really there.
Extreme imprints that begin like this partially explain some paraphilias such as fetishes and voyeurism. The ebbs and flows of long-term passionate love start to seem too anemic by comparison and true closeness feels claustrophobic or like too much work.
If you and your partner both recognize the intense spark of chemistry as a pure lust thing, you might pursue a brief sexual encounter and part ways once you've had your fill of each other, carrying sweet memories and no expectations. Online dating sites have made finding quick matches with physical "types" easy and tempting.
So, ppl, why you keep bugging us with all this ‘chemistry is not everything bla-bla-bla”. Then they wonder why so many end up in sexless, passionless, adultery filled marriages.
It's because they keep their jobs and can continue billing clients for counseling and therapy when their clients complain that there is no chemistry, passion and spark in the marriage or relationship.A book called The Centerfold Syndrome captures this caveat well, though it was written before the Internet changed the dating and porn landscape drastically.Marnia Robinson's blog presents a fascinating look at the ramifications of getting hooked on the highs of intense chemistry. A single mind-blowing encounter becomes your new (impossible) sexual benchmark.Two situations make people especially vulnerable to this distortion.First, if you are really hungry for love when lust comes along you become more prone to fantasizing a relationship where none exists because your unmet relational needs cause you to selectively interpret reality.You're simply each other's physical "type" and lack, or don't bother finding out about, any other kind of compatibility. Blatant cues come from messages about attractiveness from your culture, popular media, family and peers that you receive all your life. The first people and things that generated a strong arousal response in you when you were a child leave sensory imprints that are triggered when similar ones show up in your adult life.