I posted this question on my facebook wall and got quite the range of responses.I included a few short responses below and the longer, stand-out responses I have included at the bottom of this post if you are interested.
When I’ve had lovers in the past, I would be most interested in sex with them when I was feeling flat and in a funk. It’s a loaded term for me as well and I’ve felt a good deal of shame about it for a while. Yes, I can “lose myself” in it for a while, and I’m noticing a little charge for me there as I say that.
I had no tools back then to feel my pain, so sex most often helped take the edge off a little bit and it helped me connect to myself again and even connect to my partner again. Like its easier for me to shame myself there before anyone else can (not saying they will… And yeah, what I’ve found works best for me so far is being a yes to everything in my own experience and in what’s happening AND at some point in my development simply realizing that objectification is not enough for me.
In other words, for guys who have very little ability to self reflect or a limited self-awareness, they live seeing the entire world as object where they can get something, rather than seeing object as a relational interplay.
For example, marketing companies prey on men who are stuck in their animal brain.
A few men also asked me to define objectification, which to me seems prudent. Defining Objectification in the context of this blog post:“I think what we are calling “objectification” is its own line of development and that “picturing myself fucking her,” is a limited sliver of what the interpenetrating faculties which cause a man’s bodymind to go there can actually unfold into.” Is there any truth to the first lists above?
Sure, and in my experience men who have done personal work on themselves and have the ability to self-reflect and take ownership have more insightful responses. So when I check out women, what is really going on with me?
The image had a belief that these women would always be honest and had a much higher level of personal integrity than me.
That would keep me in a cycle of self judgment in comparison to this belief which triggered me to hide behind my mask even stronger.
It happens almost always when I had stuff to feel deep down that I simply didn’t want to feel. F.’s comment,“As I have sat with it a little longer, the simple answer is that I feel it will make me feel better.
If i am feeling some sort of unrest within myself, I will seek to get something from “her”, to “suck her beauty” in some way; And that will somehow feed me / nourish me, and help me get me by for a time…”My own experience?
Yes, I love beautiful women and I appreciate them in an ongoing way. I do this with anyone I find beautiful, from a small child, to men and women, to folks that are eighty years old.